Shaky Heart Feeling

“your heart does three things:
expands
rests
contracts.”
                                     –lisa sokolov
 
it’s that shaky heart feeling
 
when something is being unasked, skated over 
there’s the water and i haven’t put my toes in it
because because because then my toes will dive and there goes all will to stay afloat.
how soothing the water will feel
yet i anticipate the shattering cold.
 
you can only breathe so deep when your diaphragm is battling to hover.
 
i built myself a window screen the other day.
preparing for the mad heat,
i refuse to be eaten alive, not again.
 
measurements and hacksaws, 
testing, cheating when my measurements are off
with just a little nubbin left over.
mechanics. alone.
 
getting to know the wood.
shredding aluminum
pressing in the mesh.
 
i said
“god, i am free at last.”
 
lay me down by that window
breathing in the fresh air
crossing a threshold
 
dear air, 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
(some white space is important here.)

 

By Sophia Treanor
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